Dr.K Breaks Down Life Purpose in 20 Minutes

Notes:
Sense of purpose is something that is internally felt. Your circumstances don't determine it, it is internally felt and does not corelate with something external in your life.

It is a quantifiable thing that can be measured.

Purpose is not something you find. It does not come from outside, it comes from inside you and is crafted internally through a series of actions.

Self determination theory - How people get a sense of direction and purpose in life.

People who have a sense of purpose make choices, people who don't have a sense or purpose, have choices 'made to them'.

Meaning, purpose and direction all group together.

How do you evoke that feeling?

1. Make choices for yourself
   If you lack purpose, you often think a lot about the right vs the wrong choice and you are not making the choice, you are doing that society wants from you, not what you want from you.
   Example, whether you should study one thing or another, and what makes the choice right or wrong is how the world/society feels about the choice. The thing you choose is not determined by you. YOu are making the choice based on what the world is going to offer you.

People who lack purpose are constantly looking to the outside world to tell them what the correct choice is.

Self-determination theory tells us that to get a sense of purpose, you should start to make choices for yourself and yourself alone. You will drink what you want because you feel like it, you do an activity because you want to etc. You're not focused on your external value of your actions, but are exercising self control over your life.
Your internal sense of control, direction and purpose will increase.

2. Stretch your capacity
   If you look at someone who feels meaningless, they are trying to play life with minimum effort and as efficiently as possible. You are not pushing yourself very much.

You have this idea of what you are capable of, and you live within that framing forever, you will never change. If you never commit to try something a big harder and play it safe and easy, your confidence will never improve.

You need to push yourself in order to get more confidence and self esteem.

The action you take is not important. Whatever you are capable of, push yourself just a little bit more. Do two extra mins on the treadmill, wake up 30 mins earlier than you need to, read an extra chapter of that book etc

When you stretch your capacity, even if you lose, you took control of your life and made an attempt, and usually do better than you expect, which helps your confidence, direction, meaning and purpose.

3. Relatedness
   This is the one thing your can't do on your own. Humans are communal creatures, and a sense of meaning, purpose and direction includes having someone recognise, see and respond to you being authentic and yourself.
   This is harder this today's world with society's outlook that everyone is replaceable, but if you can find people, this will improve your sense of purpose, meaning and direction in life.

4. (not self-detemination theory) The perception of control and Locus of Control 🌱.
   Passive challenges or active challenges
   Passive challenges:

• Boss hates me
• I hate my job
• I got dumped
• Have to move out
• taxes

Life is happening to you in this instance

active challenges is something that is hard that you choose to do that is hard:

• go for a run
• weekly workout goal
• self-imposed deadlines
• Learning a new skill
• cleaning something
• etc

Your sense of control in life is not based on the number of challenges you face, it is the ratio of Thing that you Choose to do:Things you Didn't Choose.

If you have 4 things you don't want to deal with, you'd think you need to get rid of some of them and then you'd have more control, but that doesn't work, because life keeps happening. More things will pile up when you try to retreat and make more passive challenges for yourself down the road.

You need to choose to take on more and take on more active challenges. If you take on more challenges you actually want, the ratio of things you have challenged yourself becomes better. Once that ratio becomes better, your perception of control becomes better. The more you feel you have control over you become less pessimistic and more empowered. And once your brain feels these things, it becomes easier to deal with the passive challenges.

2 ways to find purpose:

1. Dereflection:
   When you look at your life, you focus a lot on you. Everything is about you, all your thoughts are about you.
   Dereflection is about taking a step back and focusing less on yourself. Think a little less about yourself and look at the big picture. You look at your life as part of a broader arc.

2. Paradoxical intention:
   Starting to look forward to the things your dread. If you avoid things in life is because you are afraid of a particular outcome.
   When you avoid things in life, the thing your fear will be more likely to happen.

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